He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
