There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
