there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let's get the cat blown out
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
