I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
