we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
