There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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