this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
