i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize