OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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