I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
