There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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