Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
