I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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