So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
