yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
