so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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