shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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