I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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