I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
