I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
