k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
