Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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