if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
