You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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