Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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