a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
