i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
