If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
