If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
