i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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