but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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