pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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