I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
