did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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