how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
