How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
