I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
