After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
