Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
