Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
