Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
