You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
