remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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