I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize