Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
