I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
