I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
