Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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