does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
