Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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