if you like me you must not know who I am
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
