perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
