Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
