R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
