i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
