All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize