Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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