im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
