yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
