i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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