brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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