is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
