She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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