I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
