I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
