He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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