community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
