So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
