I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
