better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
