it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
