eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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