Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
