it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
