its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
