i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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