having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Couch. On fire.
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