He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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